Sister Wives and Found Family: How Lauren DeStefano Creates Authentic Relationships in “Wither”
Creating Authentic Character Bonds
Most dystopian novels focus on the big, dramatic stuff—the oppressive government, the rebellion, the life-or-death action sequences.
But what about the quieter challenge of writing believable relationships between characters who are thrown together by circumstances beyond their control?
Lauren DeStefano's Wither excels at something many authors struggle with: creating authentic bonds between strangers under the worst possible conditions.
Rhine, Jenna, and Cecily don't choose to become sister wives—they're kidnapped, forced into marriage, and trapped in a mansion together. Yet somehow, DeStefano makes their growing connection feel genuine rather than convenient.
So how do you write found family that actually feels found, not manufactured?
Let's break down what DeStefano gets right.
Start with Realistic Resistance
The biggest mistake authors make when writing forced relationships is having characters bond too quickly.
Shared trauma doesn't automatically create deep friendships—it often creates mistrust, competition, and emotional walls.
DeStefano understands this. When Rhine first meets Jenna and Cecily, there's no instant sisterhood.
Jenna is prickly and cynical, protecting herself by keeping everyone at arm's length.
Cecily is young and desperately trying to make the best of a horrific situation.
Rhine is focused on escape and sees the other two as complications rather than allies.
This initial resistance makes their eventual bonding feel earned rather than convenient.
When characters have to work through realistic conflicts and misunderstandings, readers believe the connection when it finally happens.
Don't rush your characters into caring about each other.
Let them clash first. Let them misunderstand each other's motivations. Let them be selfish or scared or defensive.
The resistance makes the eventual breakthrough more powerful.
Give Each Character a Distinct Survival Strategy
One of the smartest things DeStefano does is give each sister wife a completely different way of coping with their situation.
These aren't just personality differences—they're fundamentally different approaches to surviving trauma.
Rhine maintains hope and focuses on escape from her beautiful cage. She keeps her moral compass intact and refuses to accept her situation as permanent.
Jenna accepts that she's trapped but stays emotionally detached, using cynicism as armor.
Cecily embraces the fantasy completely, finding safety in believing that this could actually be a happy ending.
These different survival strategies create natural conflict and complement each other beautifully.
Rhine's hope gives Jenna something to protect. Jenna's cynicism grounds Rhine's sometimes naive optimism. Cecily's innocence gives both older girls something to fight for.
When you're writing characters under pressure, don't make them all cope the same way. Varied survival strategies create realistic group dynamics and give each character a unique role in the relationship ecosystem.
Make Shared Trauma a Starting Point, Not the Foundation
Here's where a lot of authors go wrong: they think shared suffering automatically creates deep bonds. But trauma-bonding is actually pretty shallow if that's all you've got.
Real relationships are built through accumulated small moments, not just dramatic events.
The sister wives in Wither don't bond because they're all trapped—they bond because Rhine teaches Cecily to read, because Jenna shares her limited makeup, because they protect each other's secrets and cover for each other's mistakes.
They develop inside jokes and private conversations. They share meals and create tiny rituals of normalcy.
DeStefano understands that intimacy grows through everyday interactions, not just crisis moments. The wives become family because they choose to care for each other in small ways, day after day.
Build your found family relationships through ordinary moments.
The shared glances, the tiny kindnesses, the accumulated trust of dozens of small interactions—that's what makes readers believe these people actually care about each other.
Create Different Types of Intimacy
One of the most realistic aspects of the sister wives' relationship is that not every bond is the same.
Rhine and Jenna connect intellectually—they're both old enough to understand the full horror of their situation and can share a kind of gallows humor.
Rhine and Cecily have a more protective dynamic, despite being close in age. All three together create a sisterhood that's unlike any of the individual pairings.
This variety makes the found family feel authentic. Real groups don't have uniform relationships—they have different types of connection that serve different emotional needs.
When you're writing found family, resist the urge to make everyone equally close in the same way.
Give different characters different types of bonds. Let some relationships be protective, others intellectual, others purely emotional.
The variety strengthens the overall group dynamic rather than weakening it.
Address the Elephant in the Room
Let's be honest about what makes the sister wives situation particularly challenging to write: all three women have been forcibly married to the same man. There's inherent awkwardness and potential competition built into this scenario.
DeStefano doesn't ignore this complication or pretend it doesn't matter. She acknowledges the weirdness without letting it destroy the women's connection to each other.
The wives can compartmentalize when survival depends on it. They recognize that their shared circumstances of being trapped in a flowery prison make them allies rather than rivals.
This is crucial for any found family dynamic: you have to address the obvious sources of tension head-on.
Don't pretend they don't exist or hope readers won't notice. Acknowledge the complications and show how your characters work through or around them.
Show Growth Through Relationships
The best found families don't just support the characters—they transform them over the course of the story.
Rhine learns to accept help and to care for people beyond her beloved brother. Jenna develops protective instincts despite her determination to stay emotionally detached. Cecily gains perspective and resilience while keeping her fundamental optimism.
Each relationship changes all the participants. That's what makes the connections feel meaningful rather than just convenient.
Your found family should challenge your characters to grow and blossom, each in their own way.
They should learn things about themselves through these relationships.
They should develop new strengths, confront their weaknesses, and become different people because of the connections they've made.
Quiet dystopian allows for deeper character growth. Learn how Lauren DeStefano challenges the dystopian genre by focusing on personal stakes rather than universal stakes in the companion blog, “Quiet Dystopias vs. Action-Packed Apocalypses.”
The Secret to Authentic Bonds
Here's what it all comes down to: authentic relationships under pressure require time, conflict, and individual growth.
The best found families aren't just survival alliances—they're chosen connections that happen to form under extraordinary circumstances.
DeStefano succeeds because she treats Rhine, Jenna, and Cecily as complete individuals first, sister wives second.
They're not just fulfilling plot functions or representing different aspects of womanhood.
They're specific people with specific needs and fears and strengths, who are slow to bond, but gradually choose to care for each other despite having every reason not to.
When you're writing your own found family dynamics, remember that small moments matter more than grand gestures.
Focus on the everyday intimacies that actually build trust.
Let your characters resist before they connect.
Give them different ways of surviving and different types of bonds.
Most importantly, make sure your found family changes your characters, not just comforts them.
The relationships should be transformative, not just supportive.
Because at the end of the day, family—found or otherwise—is about becoming different and better because of the people who choose to love you.
